I was called "Useless" and felt that way too

I was called by my brother as "Useless"

Have you ever felt the pain from hearing words of dissapointment from people you love?

I am also dissappointed with myself but to hear it verbally is heartbreaking.



I tried to be proactive and fight the physical and mental apathy that my depression has on me.
I mopped the whole house yesterday. I washed the dishes. Maybe it wasn't enough.

I was just slumbering a while ago. When suddenly my brother told me that
I was useless and that I was only sleeping and surfing the internet- My mind kind of blanked out the exact

words but I think that was the message of the words he had.

I slammed the door and went out.
I cried and cried at the balcony of our house.
My mother saw me and she said that I should not be affected by "his" words.
I just can't.

Do you know the feeling of like your energy is being siphoned and you have no interest to even do the things

you used to do?

Maybe they don't understand the hell that I feel.
They think it's easy? No! Depression is not a walk in the park.

I felt useless and wanted to die.
But I try to fight on. I have to fight on.

I'll ingrain in my head that life is worth living on.
Even if others bruises my heart.

Please look forward to my storytime after I try to find a job at the city next week.

Campaign for my Anti-depressants and Professional improvement.
Please do consider to donate. There are rewards for donors 3 USD and above.

Please visit my deviantart. I upload my digital art there and see me improve!

Self-doubt and Self-Change

My art above. My testament for self-change.

I don't know.

I am not skilled.

Not charming enough.

But I will fight on.

My struggle in the past that I think contributed to my depression would be my inability to "charm" people or befriend everyone. I am apathetic to things.

Looking to my behavior now, I could see that my escapism attitude rooted from not accepting my past.

I am doubting myself and my self-worth.

However, I wanted to change myself for the better.

I want to create more stuff even if my body feels apathy doing it.

I drew the art above even if my self-doubt says "it's no use drawing, you will not be like those amazing artists"

Even if the campaign will not push through, I will still develop myself.

I will be expanding on those topics in the posts to come.

Dear self: Please fight on!

If ever you want to see my art journey please come to my
deviantart page

First Post

Hello there, I am Harold or you can call me by my internet handles - pandadodod and/or lucianlacekun.

I have created this blog to showcase the progress of my self improvement especially the gogetfunding campaign I currently have...

My Campaign  < Please click :)

I will post about my personal life and my struggle with depression and etc.

Next post will be about myself.